Каждый понедельник мне приходит рассылка о вакансиях от одного из проектов. Суть — известный эксперт собирает вакансии со всего рынка, отбирает их под мой профиль и присылает раз в неделю списком. Бесплатно.
Идея мне нравится. Кто откажется узнать, что интересного предлагают компании похожим на меня специалистам? Отправка писем работает как часы, и даже по профилю кое-где попадает. Но вёрстку и текст писем можно сделать лучше.
Переделка касается только текста и типографики. Я не знаю, какая у проекта аудитория, что закладывали авторы и что у них с метриками. Вполне может быть так, что и без аккуратного письма всё работает очень хорошо, это жизнь
Я сделал скриншот начала письма. Открыл Фигму. И на всё это «по-редакторски» посмотрел. Сравните письма до и после переделки. После расскажу, что исправил.
Письмо: до и после
После:
Что изменилось
Промо-блок. Я получаю рассылку регулярно, но только сейчас понял, что первый абзац текста, набранный курсивом — это промо. Как читатель я смотрел только на список вакансий. Собственно, это мне от письма и было нужно.
Я выделил и добавил в конец письма блок с предложением. Сократил текст до основных условий и добавил яркую кнопку с ценой. Подпись под кнопкой объясняет, что деньги не спишутся сразу, а подписку можно отменить. Это успокаивает читателя и помогает ему принять решение.
Типографика. В исходном письме всё было вразнобой: курсив, выделение жирным, дефис вместе длинного тире, неправильные кавычки вместо «ёлочек». У абзацев были одинаковые отступы, а слишком длинную строку было неудобно читать.
Я набрал всё одним стандартным текстом, а выделение оставил для жирного заголовка в промо-блоке. Результат выглядит чище и понятнее.
Цвета. Красные ссылки на вакансии слипались и сливались с лейблами под ними. Было сложно разобраться, что к чему относится.
Я «успокоил» цвета лейблов до нейтрального серого. Это помогло выделить единственный акцентный элемент в письме — ссылку в промо-блоке. Возможно, стоит позже доработать основную строчку, где «ничего не найдено», чтобы выделялась именно польза от письма.
Над чем ещё подумать
У письма сбивчивый тон — то оно спокойно разъясняет, что «дни оплачиваются отдельно», то повышает голос до «получайте немедленно». Спускается до простого «мы» и «скормили», а алгоритм — «он посчитал», а потом появляется формальное «к сожалению». Исправляется редактором, который пропишет Tone of Voice, и будет за ним следить.
В исходном письме есть ошибки в словах, с запятыми и с согласованием. Знаки препинания стоят вразнобой: точки в конце предложений есть, а двоеточия после обобщающего слова в списке нет. Исправить ошибки можно вычиткой. Договориться о знаках можно в редполитике: где ставим, где не ставим.
А ещё посмотрите, как можно переделать канцелярское объявление об оплате в автобусе.
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